Matilda Jones
had a nice big home
and slept in a fancy bed
She was all alone
a widowed crone
5 or six times it was said

Her first husband Harry
fell off of a ferry
slipped on a slick spot on the deck
While husband number 2
drank a bottle of glue
and number 3 got drunk and broke his neck

Mr. Jones number four
had a mishap with a lawn mower
and number five remained alive
After running into a beehive
we thought he would survive
but choked in the hospital on his fork

She never formally wed
husband number six but instead
they were united in common law
But he lost his head
and left her his fortune instead
when he fell into a table saw

Oh Matilda Jones

The servants were suspicious
and while washing the dishes
they concluded she killed them herself
That was not far from the truth
but there was never any proof
cause she always had a little help

Anna McKenzie
drove her to a frenzy
since they were finishing school chums
With a secret love
no one dared speak of
and a family fortune that had up and gone

They made a master plan
Matilda would find a man
and take his money and his life
while her true love Annie would pose as a nanny
but sneak into her room at night

Oh Matilda Jones

But late one evening
Annie was leaving
late to go on a trip
The local police
had their curiosity piqued
when they received an anonymous tip

When the squad car arrived
Matilda invited ‘em inside
but behaved angry and incensed
The cop told her bluntly
it was her they were hunting
and they had all the evidence

They had photographs
of her husbands’ mishaps
The press called he Matilda the Hun
And when they looked for Annie
she'd booked a plane for Bali
and taken the fortune and run

Oh Matilda Jones

G. Neal